so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
