i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
