I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Boobs are out for the taking
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
me + whiskey = a bad person
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize