another moral hangover. fuck.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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