haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
