theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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