If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
