I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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