I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
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