So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she told me i tasted like america
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize