i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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