I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
