you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
