I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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