I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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