I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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