You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
