Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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