She went from zero to smokin in five shots
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
