are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
