I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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