Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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