Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize