community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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