You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When did angry sex become our thing?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
