I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
