so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
