My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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