I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I have aggressive nipples.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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