im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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