Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
