I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
