He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I smell stomach acid.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize