i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The cops high fived after they tackled you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize