Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
