its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
