So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
