Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
