he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
