so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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