I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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