i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
