you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
