your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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