My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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