i permit you to call me
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
