Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
