I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i will never coherently bang her
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize