I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
