Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
