Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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