well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
BRING THE BAGELS
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
