your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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