u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Edward fifth and chaser hands
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
