Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
