so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
