Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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