i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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