Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sorry about my life...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
