ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
