Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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