Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
