just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I will be naked everywhere
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
