Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize