When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
