Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
